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What is it about “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” that makes you want to get up and help someone and how do they manage to achieve so much in so little time.

Introduction

Have you ever watched “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition”? They build a house in record time to help a family in trouble.

I used to work in the construction industry so I know how hard it is to achieve what they do. It’s not just down to the numbers of people who work on the project – although this will help. It’s down to the way they get motivated for a project.

What they do

At the beginning of the programme they sit down together and watch a video of a family with a problem. During this watching of the video it gives them a chance to connect with the family. They obviously talk about it together and perhaps are given more information because we then see them being interviewed about the situation.

During the programme there are moments when they reconnect with that family. They might do something that is important to the family or talkk with people who know them.

They also enjoy working together than have a real sense of pride in what they are doing. They will each one take time to talk with the others and tell them about the good job they are doing.

There are also ovbvious points when things are accomplished. They make a big deal of the handing over of the keys to the house – for instance. This gives them a boost to get the last step finished (the last step in any project is often the hardest to pull off.

Then the family comes home and we watch their delight and it can become so infectious that it might even make us want to do something good for someone else.

How does this relate to us?

Well let’s lok at the four steps for motivation I wrote about in a previous post:

• What?
• Why?
• Measure
• Pleasure

What?

They already know what they are going to have to do. They don’t know the details yet but this will be sorted out later. You can work on all of the stages at the same time as long as all the elements are present.

Why?

This is the part when they get to know the family by watching the video. It is important they do this together because when one of them feels the need the rest will pick up on that and it will help them feel the need as well.

Measure

There are obvious points at which they can measure their progress – the handing over of the keys is just one of the points. Watch the programme and look out for the others.

Pleasure

“Bus driver, move that bus.” Anyone who watches the programme knows the phrase well. This is one of the great moments of pleasure. Seeing the reaction of the family is important.

They also encourage each other by telling each other what a good job they are doing.

They also meet people who know the family, and sometimes talk to the family involved, which gives them a boost throughout the process.

Conclusion

What they do is great and makes a real difference to a lot of people. We can use the same prinicipals that they use ourselves to help us in our projects. The more of these four principals we can work into our projects the more successful we will be.

Getting motivated for something in the long term is one of the hardest things we ever have to do. Here I offer some guidelines that might just help.

Introduction

There are two types of motivation: internal and external. Most forms of motivation tend to focus on the external.

External motivation includes things like: money, fame, holidays, houses, lifestyles etc. These can all be powerful motivators but unfortunately they are often only good for short term projects. The prospect of acquiring something can really give you an impetuous to get started but then things start to go wrong and you don’t meet your first target and everyone else is doing better than you and soon you give up.

So then what can we do to stop this kind of boom or bust mentality and what can we do to help ourselves stay motivated on a long term project?

Well you’ve probably guessed it by now and that is to use internal (sometimes called intrinsic) forms of motivation.

Some powerful minds have looked at this problem and my summation of what they have found is that there are four steps to go through for internal motivation.

• What – know in as much detail as possible what you are doing
• Why – understand why you are doing something
• Measure – find ways of measuring your progress
• Pleasure – find ways of taking pleasure in what you achieve

Step 1: What?

You need to have a good idea of what you are trying to do. What will the end product look like? How will you know when you have finished? The better an idea you can get the more motivated you will be to do it. There is nothing more de-motivating that have a project to do when you have no idea where the end of that project will be. For instance if you say your target is to lose weight – how will you ever know if you have reached your aim (the truth is that you will either keep going never feeling like you are getting anywhere or give up after a few days in the belief that the aim is just impossible). So get a clear idea of what you are trying to do.

Step 2: Why?

To stay motivated you need to have a moral commitment to what you are doing. That is you need to believe that the project is worth doing. This means it’s not just enough to know why you have to accept that the why is worth it. If you are someone who believes family is more important than money – for instance – and your project is to make money the chances are that the first problem you encounter over time away from the family will de-motivate you for the project. The project must fit with your own ideas of what is worth pursuing.

Step 3: Measure

For a long project you need some way of knowing that you are making progress on the project. If you set off to accomplish something and you don’t feel that you are making progress then you are likely to want to give up. In a long term project the end will seem an awfully long way off when you start. I like to walk in wilderness areas and I know that the longer a destination is away the tougher it is mentally to reach it. If you have other places to visit on the way and you know how those relate to the destination it can really help when the going gets tough (especially if you plan in a few chocolate breaks along the way). So find a way to measure the progress of your project.

Step 4: Pleasure

I think it’s a wonderful thing that nearly everyone in the world wants to do a good job. Contrary to popular belief nearly everyone is keen to feel pride in what they do. To stay motivated you need to have pleasure in the job you are doing. This means  – in the first instance – giving yourself enough time and the right resources to complete a project. This also means – as you progress – that you need to find ways of taking a pride in your success so far. You need to feel pleasure and congratulate yourself on a job well done – so far. How you do this depends on the project but one good idea is to build in some of those external rewards every now and then so you can stop and take some pleasure from what you are doing.

Conclusion

External motivators are not good for long term projects. To be truly successful it is necessary to use internal motivation. This is a very complex subject but in essence there are four things you need to work on: What? Why? Measure and Pleasure. If you can make these things work for your project you will find that you can stay motivated much better and achieve much more.

In this post we explore a way of looking at your life that will help you to gain wholeness. Although based on ancient Judeo-Christian thinking it can also be found in ancient western philosophy.

How are we put together?

There is an approach to life that can help build happiness and success. It finds its roots in many of the major world religions and in ancient western thought and is also grounded in modern approaches to life management.

We are made up from four different aspects. These four combine to make the whole of who we are. Within life we should seek harmony within our self. Harmony is about achieving balance through control. When a choir is in harmony it is not because they all sing what they fancy but because they are controlled by the music (and usually the choir director). Self-discipline has always been an important part of success. Self-discipline is about control.

Now to most of us control might seem like a bit of a dirty word. It reminds us of dictatorships and nasty rules and regulations. If we had to come up with some words we associate with control I expect many of us would say stuff like: boredom, slavery, misery etc.

However think about athletes who reach the top of their game, think about business people who become very successful, think about pretty much anyone who has ever achieved anything, and you will discover that self-discipline and control played a vital part in that success. Far from being limiting and miserable self-control and discipline can lead to great happiness and success.

Now don’t get me wrong here. I don’t have a picture in my mind of a sergeant major barking orders at a brow beaten soldier. I mean self-discipline that is born out of knowing yourself very well and working with your self to achieve what you can. This is self-discipline not other-discipline.

Have you every tried to achieve anything and failed? Was it through lack of self freedom that you failed? Was it because you felt like you could keep going for ever but decided to give up anyway and so you did that you failed? Or was it through lack of self-discipline? Was it because you hit a bad patch and so because of the struggle you gave up?

Self-control and self-discipline are vital parts of success.

Anyway here are the four aspects that are important followed by an explanation of the control one must exert over the other:

Soul, Mind, Heart and Body.

Each aspect of life is important and each aspect exerts an influence on the other. There is a hierarchy involved in those aspects following the order shown above. This hierarchy is important and is often overlooked when people talk about finding balance in life. This hierarchy enables your self to find true balance and without it there is anarchy.

I’m afraid much of what I talk about is metaphysical. That is it about something other than the physical world. You can’t see or touch these things but that does not mean they are not there. People have long believed that these things exist and have given them all kinds of names.

Let’s start by thinking about the body and working our way up.

Body (the physical)

The body represents the physical side of life. It is sometimes also described as “the flesh” or “the world” etc. Without the physical we would not be born and we would be deprived of many sensations that make up an appreciation of life. However although vital in the makeup of a person the physical is the least important aspect of life. This is shown in the truth that even if we are disabled or our health deteriorates it doesn’t make us any less of a person. The physical world is the domain of the scientist. How we experience the physical can have a profound effect both – good and bad – on the other three aspects of life. If you ever doubt this then go for a walk in the countryside or on a stormy day and you will see what I mean. If we suffer physically then we can also suffer mentally. Sadly many people spend an inordinate amount of time on only the physical and neglect the other aspects of life.

Heart

When we talk about heart we do not meaning the muscle that pumps blood around the body but a concept, an idea. The heart is the inner self. That part of us that feels and (together with the mind) decides. It is the seat of love and hate; joy and sorrow; peace and bitterness; courage and fear. The true character or personality of a person. The body has a profound effect on the way that our heart reacts but our heart tends to have a controlling aspect over the body. Without heart we are just existing and not experiencing life.

Mind

The mind is the thinking side of life. It is the understanding, thoughtful and reasoning side of life. Although we often think of the mind as morally neutral it can be corrupted as well as being the source of great good. If you doubt the evil nature of the mind then read a few history books to see how very reasonable people have taken evil courses. The mind gives us the ability to make plans and execute them. The mind must take precedence over the heart and the body. Sometimes our hearts can deceive us into believing that something that feels nice must be good but our minds help us to see through the gloss. There is a famous wise old saying that says “all that glisters is not gold”, a reminder that our minds must take precedence over our hearts. Our mind is constantly struggling to become the ruler of all. However it needs to be kept in check or it will dominate everything making our emotional life non-existent. Thankfully our mind is not the ruler of all our parts – that honour is given to the soul.

Soul

The soul is the part of us that gives us a sense of beauty and creativity. It is the essence of being human. It is the part of us that seeks the divine and the eternal. It is the part responsible for morality, justice, understanding and appreciation. It is in essence the very core of a person and that which makes him/her alive. It allows us to see beyond the physical to understand the spiritual. For most of us in the west the soul has become the most neglected part of who we are. This is not the place to debate the reasons for this but whatever the reasons the soul is much neglected to our detriment.

These four aspects of life make up a whole. If we ignore one aspect we become less that we should be but when they work together as a whole then we become more than we might have been.

Discover what a vision statement is and why it is important and then get some help on how to develop your own.

What is a vision statement?

A vision statement is a description of where you see your life in the future. It could be the near future or it could be a long time in the future. It should be a very lucid description so that the description will help you feel what that future will be like. It should be very positive and its language should make good use of the present tense so that the description sounds like it has already been achieved.

Why bother with a vision statement?

A vision statement serves several purposes:

It is a source of inspiration. By describing the situation in a tangible way it provides a source of encouragement when things get a little tough.

It is a source of motivation. It helps you remember why you are doing certain things and the kind of life that you are determined to live in the future.

It help you achieve. Your brain will start to develop plans for how it can achieve what you are describing. I know it sounds a little like mumbo-jumbo but the brain starts to take on the kind of life that is described to it. The more real you can make the description the more this will work.

It helps you get support. Write your vision in such a way that you are able to share it with others. When you show your vision statement to others they will start to think of ways that they can help you get what you want. The vast majority think of how they can help others and by sharing your vision with them you are opening up a whole new world of possibilities. This doesn’t mean you can sit back and let others do all the hard work for you but just that others will help you if you show them what you are trying to do.

How do I develop a vision statement?

We recommend following every step thoughtfully and carefully but its up to you. If you just want to jump in and write your statement now you can.

We begin with imagining. Try to imagine what a perfect life would be like for you. Don’t think in money terms but imagine for a moment that money was not an object to getting what you want. Where would you like to live? What kind of car would you like to drive (if you even want a car)? What will your family be like (if you want one that is)? What kinds of relationships will you enjoy. Write it all down and try to describe it in as much detail as you can. Describe it in such terms that you can feel what it is like to be in that situation. Write all of this down. You can always come back to it later if you want.

Now think about resources. What resources do you need to help you get the kind of life you want? How much money does it need? Often we need less money that we think we do to achieve our ideal life. What people could help us realise this ideal picture? What training or education would help you? Write it down.

Now think about a job. Most of us have to work to get the resources we need to achieve our dreams. What kind of job do you need/want to realise your dream? If your dream requires lots of money how can you get it? If you are not qualified enough to get that kind of money then either redefine your dream or get more training – the choice is yours. How does your job feature in your dream? Your job might be part of the dream or it might be a way to get your dream. If its a way to get your dream how can you make your job more enjoyable while the long term goal is being worked towards? Write all this down.

Now bring it all together. At this stage all you need to do is just write a statement that makes sense. The most important detail is in the vision of the future – much of the rest of the things you have thought about concern the goals you will set to reach your dream.

Refine it. The first step in refining is to make sure it is written in the present tense e.g. I am rather than I will be. This helps your brain get the picture. Then look at the language. Is there a simpler way of saying what you have said – are there words you could cut out? Once you simplified it take another look at how it feels. Have you included any feeling words? The more you can sense and feel the picture the more powerful it will be. The last step is to personalise it. It should inspire you not me. Write it in a way that will inspire you.

Share it. If you let others in on your vision then you will be more likely to succeed. Feel free to add a little explanation of what you are trying to do when you share it with them but be brave and don’t compromise on what you say.

Put your vision statement somewhere you can see it every day.

Take some time to discover your purpose. Here I outline a method for working out it all. I see your purpose as the starting point of your future. You need to know where you are starting from before you can choose the path to your destination.

Why bother with a purpose statement?

Most of us meander through life hoping that somehow we will get lucky and things will work out. It’s a basic belief that the gambling industry – one of the biggest industries in the world – exploits for its own gain. Perhaps this will be the week that your lottery numbers will come up and life will improve for you. However there are a few who have grasped the simple truth that life is not about getting lucky breaks from nowhere but is about making your own lucky breaks.

Of course life is harder for some than for others but just because life is tough doesn’t mean that you can’t be successful – it might just take a little extra effort!

The place to start is with understanding yourself and what you are about. How can you ever make a decision, or know how to spend your valuable time if you don’t know what your priorities are and what talents you can use to achieve your goals?

A purpose statement is about taking some time to reflect on who you are. You examine your various qualities, what talents you might have and what things you value. At the end of the process you should have a clear idea of what you stand for. Although its possible to arrive at a similar statement to others what it means to you will be unique.

Then you should remind yourself regularly what you purpose statement is. It will help you prioritise your time and encourage you to employ your talents wisely.

How do I develop a purpose statement?

I recommend following every step thoughtfully and carefully but its up to you. If you just want to jump in and write your statement now you can.

You need to work out what your Qualities, Gifts and Values are.
Sit down with a piece of paper and make three lists.

The first list is your qualities – that is the things that make you who you are. Are you a patient person? Do you like helping people? Are you an enthusiastic person. If you struggle with this then ask your friends to help you. Forget about all the stuff that you are not because those things can’t help you move forwards. This is not a psychological profile we are simply trying to get a statement that tells you what you can use to move towards your vision.

The second is your gifts – that is what talents do you have? This is a little like the qualifications part of a job application. What can you already do? What do you do well? Again ask your friends to help.

The third is your values – what values are most important in the world (in your opinion)? Do you value love? Do you value money? Do you value faith?

Once you have your lists you need to pick some of the most important ones to go into your purpose statement. It will be very hard to do but pick out the most important ones to you.

Now you can start writing your statement. Make it positive and simple. The idea is to have a simple statement that can inspire you to keep going on those days when things get a little tough. Don’t get carried away with lots of words and vague concepts you want something that is meaningful and powerful (to you).

I’ve read a lot of purpose statements that were so ‘out there’ that they were no use to anyone. You are making a tool to use, not trying to win a competition. Your statement is not meant to be better than anyone else’s it is meant to be useful to you.

You should avoid using long words. What you need is a statement that will describe who you are in as few words as possible.

Here are three examples (using just one word from each list); you will use your own qualities, gifts and values of course:

My purpose is to be a friend to all (quality), to listen to those in need (gift), to love without barriers (value).

I am a great leader (quality) who is great at making plans (gift) and who is very wealthy (value).

God made me to share (quality) with others through public speaking (gift) how great his love (value) is for all.

Of course you will be more creative than the above examples when you create your own. However if you are completely stuck then just list the things you have discovered. It’s better to have a list you can use than nothing at all. The purpose should be something you can remember fairly easily. You should write it down somewhere you can see it whenever you need it.

The last thing to tell you is that this is not set in stone. Tomorrow when you look at it you might want to change something. Go right ahead and make the changes.

Congratulations you have made an important step in getting in your personal success.

Learning to set goals can change your life. There are simple techniques that can make all the difference to success. Here I outline the SMART system of goal setting and add a little extra of my own.

Introduction

Everyone sets goals whether they realise it or not. When you get up in the morning; how you are going to get promotion; your plan to lose some weight or get fit; preparing for your next holiday etc. All these are goals that have been set for a particular purpose. However we all know that just setting the goal is not enough and there is some work involved if it is to be completed.

The sad truth, also, is that few of us are successful at realising our goals. At the beginning of each year we make some plans for how we are going to improve things but by the end of the January we have all about given up – if we can keep going even for that long.

So is there anything that can help us? Yes – there is. We can learn from those who set goals and work to achieve them and we train ourselves to do the same as they do.

This guide is about helping you to understand how you can make goals that will encourage you and help you to succeed.

First Steps

The importance of the first steps in goal setting cannot be overemphasised. Our first aim must be to get used to setting goals and then working to achieve them. This means that we must concentrate on training ourselves at this point and not so much on getting what we want. Like an athlete we have to get fit so we can perform well if we try to perform well without being fit we will at best not perform very well and at worst fall flat on our faces and feel that we can never succeed.

So what we need is a goal (we just start with one) that will teach us how to set goals that will help us achieve our aims. However if we are going to get motivated for this goal it needs to be something that will challenge us and move us towards a greater goal. So before we start setting goals we should at least have some idea of where we are now and where we want to get to (Purpose and Vision). There are other guides to help you with these and you can set goals without them but to be most effective you really need to understand these two things first.

Let’s assume for the purposes of this guide that we have done that and know what talents and qualities we have to help us succeed (it’s no good wishing we had others – we must use what we have to gain others) and these will be fuel for our goals. We also know the place we want to reach and this forms the essence of our motivation for doing them.

For this guide we are going to take the example of someone who wants to get fitter. They have not exercised for the last 10 years (a checkup at the Doctors shows they are alright to proceed) but they used to use a gym regularly. We might assume that the best thing to do would be to join a gym and get on with it. However this approach has several disadvantages. The time they used to devote to exercise is now spent on other things. They will be tempted to perform at the level they used to which will fail and lead them to believe they cannot succeed. It will cost money which if they don’t succeed will make them feel guilty. So – very sensibly – they make their first aim is to get fit enough to start using exercise equipment. The first hurdle is to allocate time to the task (this is perhaps one of the most critical things to do and also one of the hardest in any goal setting situation). So the first step for them will be to exercise for a certain time each time (the ideal would be to allocate some time that will later work with going to the gym but they must start small). We will continue with this later.

So in the first steps we take things easy and concentrate on simple goals that teach us the process of goal setting and doing, and which also moves us towards our greater goal.

Setting Goals

I’ve seen many different forms of goal setting and many of them are very good. To save confusion and for the sake of simplicity we are going to use the SMART system (with my own interpretations and adaptations). The SMART system is widely used and is simple to remember and so is a good basis of any goal setting system. SMART is an acronym by the way.

S = Sustainable
M = Measurable
A = Attainable
R = Realistic
T = Timely

I’m going to add on three Rs later but first lets get used to SMART (and yes I do know that others use the letters to mean different things – this is just the way I prefer).

Sustainable
Any time you set a goal you must make sure that it is something you can keep going with over the period of time you set yourself. You must never ever set goals that are too hard for you to do. You do need an element of challenge in each goal but if the challenge is too great you will fail.

Using our goal setting challenge from above it would be wrong of our goal setter to set too great a challenge (especially for the first goal). Let’s say he is going to start at the weekend when he has two whole days to exercise so he sets himself the goal of walking for two hours every day. He manages Saturday and Sunday but on Monday he is tired after work and can’t face two hours of walking and so doesn’t bother. Same for the rest of the week and so by the end he has failed and feels he will never succeed. His goal was not sustainable! Instead he would be better off setting himself the challenge of say 20 minutes of exercise every day. This is not a long time and won’t be enough for a trip to the gym but it gets him into a habit of using time for exercise.

Measurable
You need to be able to measure your success at your goal. This is vital for motivation and success. So how will you know that you are succeeding at your goal? What can you use to measure your progress. A great number of people make goals that say things like “I will try to be happier” or “I will try to work harder”. How will they know if they are happier? How will they know if they are working harder. This is a trap many parents fall into when they say to their children – “I wish you would behave better when we are out” – but never tell their children what behaving better means so next time they get the same thing. You need a way to measure your progress. Don’t write goals with “be happier” type sentences in instead try to work out what makes you happy and write goals with those things in them.

Whilst I’m on the subject never use words like “try” or “attempt”. These words let you off the hook and are impossible to measure. You are not going to try you are going to do.

For our example the measure might be the time spent exercising e.g. 20 minutes in the measure of success. Or perhaps it could be a distance as a measure. As long as there is some way to measure we can see progress and seeing progress is one of the main elements of motivation.

Attainable
Any goal must be attainable – never set yourself a goal that you could never actually do. For instance if you have your 40th birthday in 10 days time and you want to lose 60 pounds before it short of an operation this is not going to happen. Setting a goal that can not be reached will only make you feel bad and you will lose motivation for even trying. Many people set themselves impossible tasks and then never get started on the path to success because they give in before they even try.

For our example. If our goal setter said they were going to run 15 miles a day for the rest of their life from tomorrow (without any exercise for 10 years remember) they would be setting themselves up for failure. Such a goal would not be attainable.

Realistic
This one is similar to the attainable but it gets more personal. Can you realistically see yourself doing it? When you set the goal can you realistically do it? If the answer is no then you should not start. Many people try to set goals that are just too much for them and so they fail. Only you will really know what you can do and so you must be realistic about it. By all means include a challenge (very small at first) but be realistic for you.

Timely
Give yourself a time limit for this and make sure you give yourself time to complete the goal. If your goal is to run for twenty minutes every day for the rest of your life you will get fed up after a while and give in. If however you set yourself the challenge of 20 minutes every day for the next week when its Thursday and you feel like giving in you will at least know its only for a few more days. Having a time you will end the goal on can be very important when you need a little help to keep going. When the goal is complete you can always do it again (with a new challenge built in) but if it just goes on for ever you will lose your enthusiasm.

You also need time to complete your goal and giving yourself a time for doing something will help you enormously. Setting a time for having a run will help you do it. If you don’t set a time it’s likely just to get put off until the end of the day when its too late.

Now I’m going to add my three Rs.

R = Resources
R = Review
R = Reward

Resources
Think through what resources you can use to help you accomplish your goal. Are there any people you can turn to for help? Could you get help from a book? Is there a web site that can help you (e.g. bythemethod.com)? Where can you get help? Thinking this through as you write your goal will help you accomplish what you want too.

Review
It is very important to review your goal. You should review it when you have first written in and you should review it regularly when you are doing it. When its first written read it through and ask yourself on a scale of 10 how committed you are to the goal (where 1 is ‘not at all’ and 10 is ‘out the way I’m on a mission’). If you are anything less than 8 you should ask yourself what it would take to make it a 10 and build this in to your goal.

Reward
How will you reward yourself when the goal is completed. Of course many goals have their own reward but it is important to acknowledge this and tell yourself what a great job you have done at the end of the goal. If possible reward yourself in some practical way e.g. watch favourite film or go out for coffee or buy something nice. This will then help you to remember that goal setting and doing is good for you and makes you happy.

Conclusion

So there is our introduction to goal setting. It’s not complex but it is easy to make mistakes that will de-motivate you and leave you unsuccessful.

If at the end of your goals time you have not accomplished what you set out to do the problem is not that you are hopeless but that your goal was defective. Perhaps you set yourself too great a challenge or perhaps you just didn’t have the time. This is when you review the goal and rewrite it and try again. Eventually you will set a goal you can reach and this will spur you on to greater things.

All successful people have one thing in common – they set goals and work to achieve them. Dreams do come true for some through hard work, imagination and perseverance at goal setting and doing.

Your future lies within your own hands do something now to make your own dreams come true.

There is an assumption in life that the older you get the wiser you will get. There is much evidence to support this – not least through personal experience. I now know, for instance, that you can’t assume girls will laugh at you just because you speak to them.

However let me ask you a simple question.

Who is the wiser? The person who knows little but applies what they know or the person who knows much but still does nothing.

I would suggest it is the former. Wisdom is in the application of knowledge and not in the knowledge itself.

Now I have four (youngish) children and I know that they don’t understand much about the world yet and yet what they have learned they put into operation (generally). They are pretty good at using the knowledge that they are gaining.

However I know an awful lot more than they do about life and the way it works. So why then do I still sometimes make mistakes? Why is it on some days I will get up and I just can’t be bothered to look at my goals? I teach other people, for goodness sake, to set goals and use them and yet some days even I can’t be bothered.

This extends beyond me and mere goal setting. What things do you do that is not wise? Do you ever ignore something that you know you should do something about? Do you ever say anything to anyone which you later regret? Do you ever eat something which you later wish you hadn’t?

Most of us by the time we reach our forties know how to be happy in life and yet why are so many of us miserable?

Never assume that somehow being older had made you wiser.

It seems to me that wisdom is often a choice – it’s something we do not something we are. We must choose to make a wise decision.

The wise thing to do, of course if to choose to be wise.

I have read many articles lately about the spiritual experience of various people. It usually goes something like this: I was brought up as a catholic/evangelical/methodist/baptist etc., I didn’t like it much and when I went to College I became an atheist/agnostic etc., then I met someone really nice who introduced me to some kind of nondescript faith (based on a corruption of something eastern or old) and now I know the truth and I’ve never been happier. There always seems to be some underlying assumptions: that spirituality always gets better (especially if you believe less), that truth is always found in making up your own religious beliefs, and happiness comes from not belonging to anything established.

Now it may just be that the people I have been reading about were just of a particular type of person but I suspect this way of thinking is pretty common.

I am a great defender of people thinking and believing what they want to but I need to challenge the main underlying assumption that things always get better the longer you develop them.

When I was younger I used to walk a lot. I walked just about everywhere. This activity coupled with a lack of money to spend on chocolate and crisps kept me pretty slim and healthy. Then I got some money and a car.

I discovered that travelling in a car was more enjoyable than walking (e.g. not getting wet or sweaty and it was much quicker).

The end result of all this progress was that I got fatter and less fit. Now I try hard to regain some of what I once had. My point here is that just because time has passed and I believed I was happier (I think mistakenly now) did not mean I had attained some higher level of being (or fitness). The truth is I was worse off.

Spirituality (like nearly everything) can be like this. Don’t assume that just because you are older and believe you are happier that somehow this means your former spirituality/faith was somehow weak and difficient.

Of course people discover new things that can make life more meaningful and if you are someone who has gone on a long journey to discover a new kind of faith I applaud your searching. But please be open to the possibility that perhaps – just perhaps  – those who continue to believe and follow a more established traditional kind of religion might just be right.

Perhaps the faith of your fathers and mothers was in fact worth having after all.

I think there are several things that stand in the way of someone changing and here a just a couple of them:

1) Fear. We are afraid that if we change then we will have to give up some of the security that we have spent so much of our life developing. Security is a good thing but so often it limits what things we are willing to do. What is strange though is that often people want to change so they will have more security but the act of changing can make you feel insecure. Don’t ever let fear drive you. Take a stand against fear and discover how much you can change if you are willing to take the risk.

2) Not seeing the point. If you are going to change you need to get the point of changing. Too often our reason for changing is because everyone else thinks its a good idea. If you want to lost weight or perhaps give up smoking you need to get the point of why you are giving up. If you don’t get the point then no amount of effort will make the change. If you think something is a good idea but you are not sure what the point is then try writing down an arguement for why you should make the change. If your arguement is not convincing then try again. Keep up the arguement until you know why you are going to make the change.

3) Not desiring enough. Just seeing the point of changing won’t do you also need a strong desire to change. This can come through many different ways but without the motivation to change you won’t get started and getting started is one of the hardest parts. One way to address this problem is to build up in your mind a good picture of what things will be like if you manage to change. Bring some emotion into the picture and memorise it – when you feel like giving up let the picture into your mind again.

These are just a few of the reasons but they are big ones. If you want to make a change make sure you have got these sorted out.